Having had my fill with the system and it's games, I traded in my PSP. It became evident to me that the PSP was a dead system after viewing their upcoming game schedule. This may not be an accurate statement, but when I go to look at games I see nothing worth purchasing for the PSP. So I decided I was better off getting rid of it and using the credit to buy an Xbox 360 when the price drops during the next couple of weeks.

While huge in Japan, the PSP never achieved popularity in North America. That's probably because in Japan they actually have games they can play. The PSP never had a "must have" game for it's system. Any game of note was a spin-off sequel to a more popular title on the PS2 or PSX. Games like, "Daxter," "Crisis Core," "Secret Agent Clank," "Chains of Olympus," etc. As for add-ons and accessories, the PSP is just a quagmire. One of it's key selling points is Wi-Fi compatible  internet and a media player. If you ever tried using the internet function, it's like using a Comodore 64 with dial-up. As for the media, the PSP has no internal hard-drive, so you're forced to store your media files on memory sticks. I could fit about one movie on my GB memory stick if I moved some files around. Otherwise, you had to buy unwriteable UMDs featuring a poor selection of videos. When I tried trading in my UMDs, they told me they weren't accepting them anymore. Meaning: I have eight UMDs I can't trade-in or sell to anyone, and aren't compatible with any other system. So I'll have to throw them out.

The people most satisfied with their PSPs are the ones who hack them. By downgrading the PSP, they're able to turn it into an emulator able to play pirated titles. In order to play new titles, however, they have to upgrade their systems, so they have to keep upgrading and downgrading.

Frankly, the whole system is a pain in the ass. It gives you this feeling that you're not getting the most out of it. For instance, they've only come out with new accessories like G.P.S., a camera, and a phone (features that have been available in Japan for over a year). Only, the camera overheats and catches fire, so good luck with that.

Ironically, I'm trying to buy an Xbox which has many of the same complaints. Oh well.

I just realized that Solid Snake from the Metal Gear Solid series of video games has an euphemism for a name.

-That is all.

Obama's new Vice-Presidential candidate is named Bidden. Hmm... Obama/Bidden sounds an awful lot like Osama Bin Laden to me. Not only are the names similar but Obama and Osama have never been seen in the same room together. Think about it: Osama disappears off the face of the earth and suddenly there's this guy named Obama with all these "plans for America." COINCIDENCE?

BA-DUM-DUM!

How do you make a game out of someone answering e-mails? I don't know either, but they did anyway. Strongbad from www.homestarrunner.com ("It's the dot com!") has his own downloadable episodic video game ala Sam & Max of the same gaming site. Having played the demo, I can tell you it's a point-and-click adventure where you gather items to complete quests. That's a pretty bland description, but it makes it seem more interesting than it really is. You move your cursor over various items and Strongbad will either interact with them by giving you a brief description. "Ah Stooly, my old friend. You go under my butt." This gets very tiring very quickly. Then there's mini-games involving retro graphics such as, "Snake Boxer," where you move a square-shaped boxer up and down and punch a snake as it bites you. You're encouraged to search the game for a cheat book that's supposed to enable you to unlock new levels of moving up and down and punching snakes. Why you would want to, I don't know. Then you can sit at your computer and read e-mails like the real Strongbad...

...

...

If a game could be a douchebag, this would be it. It comes to us two years after Strongbad was actually funny and fresh. During the height of Strongbad mania, I purchased the Strongbad DVD online. Now: Strongbad is fine in small doses, but watching Strongbad e-mails one after another is like watching Bambi's mother getting shot over and over again. It's like you're in Clockwork Orange with your eyes forced open, oh my hearties. Makes you want to do a bit of the Ultra-Violence.

There's been many Strongbad imitators over the years, but it's hard to say who came first. Strongbad's merely one of the most recognizable stars of a new genre. That genre? The mock-vlog. I hope someone comes up with a better name for it, because that's as good as I could come up with.

Ask-A-Ninja has arguably surpassed Strongbad in popularity, although he has yet to claim a hot track on Guitar Hero. Yet, he's subject to the same fatigue that Strongbad experiences. Even with an infinite number of questions to answer, he tends to repeat himself, even during A.D.D. short clips. As with most internet fads, you want to get as much of it as you can, before you sicken yourself, like Haggen Das. I have dozens of unwatched episodes on my iPod I can't bear to look at.

As for my iPod, I actually paid to download a video blog. Before you judge me, bear in mind that this video blog belongs to none other than Dr.Horrible. That's Neil Patrick Harris. N.P.H., you mother-fuckers! Dr.Horrible's Sing-Along Blog starts with him answering viewer letters on his webcam like every EMO kid on youtube, but breaks off into a song filled with unrequainted love, from the perspective of a mad doctor super villain. This ranks about an eleven on the one to ten awesome scale, and let me remind you that eleven is one louder than ten. Dr.Horrible's goal is to build a freeze ray so he can build up the courage to ask out the girl at the laundromat. Foiling his plans is Captain Hammer, his super-hero bully.

For an internet based TV show, this is as good as it's going to get. Not only is it one of the most original series to be created in the last few years, it's one of the most originally marketed shows in a long damn time. It was offered for viewing a few short days before exclusively being offered on iTunes for the low prices of $4.99 (CND) for all three episodes (each episode is about 13 minutes long). Considering how many crappy albums are on there for five bucks more, this is a pretty good deal. If you were thinking about buying the Strongbad game, I'd use that money to buy this. Don't have an iPod? You will be culled.

The front page of the Sunday edition of The Province this week featured a three page article on my town, Abbotsford, entitled, "Bibles and Bud." It was about the rising crime rate in Abbotsford which is due mostly to organized gangs. The multi-racial UN (United Nations) Gang and the Red Scorpions are largely to blame. Abbotsford is sort of a hub. It's right on the U.S./Canada border and commuting distance of Vancouver, with an international airport and plenty of secluded farmland to grow weed, so drug trade is a snap. Abbotsford has one criminal offence for every ten people per year. That's not to say that one is every ten people is a criminal, but it feels like it sometimes. Bear in mind that this isn't East Hastings St. in Vancouver, but we do get it's runoff.

On the flip-side, Abbotsford is part of Canada's Bible Belt, with over 80 churches and temples. We also have a large demographic of Punjabi speaking individuals.

Neither of those thing is necessarily a plus in anyone's book. Mo' churches equals mo' problems, I say. You can't just pray away crime.

The Super-Hero genre has exploded as of late across the silver screen and this passing Summer is perhaps the greatest example of this. The Dark Knight is the second highest grossing film of all time, next to Titanic. Marvel Comics movies Iron Man and the Hulk both came in at number #1 in the box offices. Even Darkhorse Comic's Hellboy: The Golden Army and the original Hancock were successful.

Yet, Super-Hero movies are nothing new. They've been around since the Golden Age of cinema, following the rise and fall of comic books themselves. There was a resurgence in the 70's with Superman and following on the Comic Renaissance 60's, and the Batman TV series. Another high point was not to come until Batman in 1989, and then the X-Men and Spider-Man movies of the early 00's.

So what filled in these gaps? Crap. Movies like The Shadow, The Phantom, Super-Girl, Darkman. There were a few high-points, with The Crow, The Mask, etc. but these were few and far between. It's only in our modern era of CG action sequences that the Super-Hero movie genre has found it's home. Yet, it takes more than special-effects and toy tie-ins to make a good movie. Just look at the first Hulk movie. They had to reboot it just to make a sequel. As for sequels, watch the third instalments in Spider-Man and X-Men. Honestly, though, it's hard to break the stigmata of terrible sequels. Any genre will break down after the third instalment, except for works based on book series like Harry Potter, or Lord of the Rings. When it comes to original scripted movies, shit goes crazy. That's when Spider-Man goes EMO and disco dances to, "Stayin' Alive," on a New York sidewalk.

The solution to bad sequels? REBOOT!

What's a reboot? It's a remake, but not in the sense of 1998's Psycho, or Ocean's 11. It's a movie that ignores it's predecessors, as well as employs new actors, directors, etc. Titular characters will still be recognizable in profile, but beyond that, anything's game.

Yes, rebooting brings joy and happiness to millions. Batman and Robin got you down? BATMAN BEGINS! He's BEGINING, so how could there exist any movie previous to what you're seeing? What's that you say? You bought the DVD boxset? No, you didn't. You have it at home? I don't see it, and neither do you. You're going to go get it to prove me wrong? You better hurry, because the authorities are coming to your door to arrest you like a 70 year-old-female protestor in China. So since he's BEGINING, Batman never fought the Joker, or Two-Face, so we can put them in the sequel to the reboot of the sequels to the reboot to the movie based on the TV series based on the comic based on old silent movies.

Even though reboots have proven themselves in the box office, there are those who still cling to the old ways. For example, they're not just making another X-Men sequel, they've gone one further to create a spin-off movie for Wolverine. Now, a Wolverine movie can work, even if it involves Ryan Reynolds. He's goofy as hell, but he's a natch for Deadpool. Plus: have you seen the 6-Pack on that guy? It's okay to have some comic relief, but Wolverine has to be dark in comparison with the Dark Knight. Now, look at this article:

Hugh Jackman: Is Fox Head Tom Rothman Dulling the Claws of 'Wolverine'?

The movie's being sabotaged into some family-friendly affair. Families shouldn't go see this movie. If Wolverine doesn't come out of a pool of blood screaming and brandishing his claws with a bunch of VR wires sticking out of him, it's going to be another Superman IV: The Quest for Peace. I could write a Wolverine movie in my sleep. I think I may have. I had this weird dream the other night involving the Beast and Sabertooth having gay sex, but that's another blog.

For those of you who grew up watching "Married: With Children," Christina Applegate's sweet tits are no more. She had a double mastectomy. Most people will remember her as jailbait teen Kelly Bundy, although she's appeared on several show/movies since then. Every Gen-X man has at some point masturbated to Kelly Bundy and her short, short skirt, so this comes as quite a blow. Not since Punky Brewster has a surgical breast augmentation been so cruel. Let is be stated that I'm am not for anything that reduces, or otherwise interferes for the quality of a woman's tits, except in life-saving circumstances. I honestly just hope she pulls through. There's celebrities you want dead, and celebrities who's deaths or illness affects you. I'm on the fence about Bernie Mac, and Isac Hayes, but Heath Ledger was a surprise. I think everyone remember when Steve Irwin died. As for the illness factor, rock singer and punk midget Biff Naked was also recently diagnosed with breast cancer. Why can't all celebrities live to 100 like Bob Hope and George Burns? Seriously, George Burns smoked like ten cigars a day for 80 YEARS. Have you ever smoked a cigar? If so, you have cancer. Don't believe me? Go to a doctor. I don't care if you'd didn't inhale like Bill Clinton, you're going to die. The doctor's going to have to have a sit-down conversation with you. That's never good.

Christina Applegate calls double mastectomy a 'tough' choice : CelebEdge : Sympatico / MSN

Having listened to their podcast on the subject, I know how real their threat of releasing all thirty of these cartoon panels is. They'll use the Penny-Arcade site to subject us to it as well. They often cite their concerns with how much further they can take a video game related comic strip, as the well is running dry. They have to rely on press releases for upcoming games to get their ideas. Seeing as how some of their funniest comic strips come from off topic subjects like fruit fucking, and Kenny Rogers, maybe it's time they made a clean break.

Penny Arcade! - Bogey Golf, Part Two Of Thirty

Seriously. Have you looked outside lately? Odds are you're looking straight at another human being and they're staring back at you with a blank, vacant expression. It's like a zombie horror flick. It's scary outside, and that's why you're inside, on your computer where it's safe.

Quantity does not equal quality.

I went to the Pacific National Exhibit on opening day, and let me tell you, that was a huge mistake. It was free to get in until noon. So I got to the freeway exit at around eleven o'clock, and I didn't find a parking spot until twelve thirty. The P.N.E. has four pay parking lots associated with it. Every lot was full. I ended up parking off of East Hastings Street on the Eastern side of the P.N.E.. You'll know when you're on the Western side of the P.N.E., because it's like crossing the train tracks in a  Saturday morning cartoon. Crips, hobos and drug addicts will wander in front of your vehicle with boarded up buildings in the backdrop. I would have turned back, but we bought our tickets at a 7-11 to save a couple of bucks, and we probably couldn't get a refund. I'm honestly confused as to why these tickets are sold at convenience stores across B.C., and they cost three bucks less. The money saved from shorter lines at the P.N.E. is probably lost from mass-distributing the ticket cards. We had only purchased our ride passes, however, so we still had to wait in live for thirty minutes to get gate passes, then wait in line for another five minutes to validate our ride passes.

As you can imagine, based on the parking situation, it was shoulder-to-shoulder inside the park. I've seriously never seen that many people in one place before, and I've been to Disneyland. Humanity disgusts me on many levels, and nothing is more disgusting than it's abundance. We went to see the Superdogs show at the Pacific Colosseum. It was packed up to the nosebleeds with people sitting in the aisles to watch a poorly staged exhibit of dogs performing stunts. It occurred to me as I breathed in the collective B.O. of ten thousand people that there were more people in that building than there were watching the Olympics. There were probably more Asians too.

After that, we went to the rides. Lines for the coasters were too long to contemplate, so we went on the more ordinary music-themed ones. Standing in line on one of the hottest days of the year became excruciating, and I got sunburned. I had a hat in the car, but it was too far to walk back, and I was likely to lose it anyway while on one of the rides.

Still, it seemed to me that on a day that there were so many people mulling around, from such a wide variety of backgrounds, that I was seeing more circus-freak inbred hicks than anything else. Is this the proper ratio? I know it's a giant carnival, but still, there shouldn't be that many non-associated carnies.

Maybe China's one-child policy isn't just cruel, it's common-sense. When you have too much of something, you have to get rid of what you have, or you can stop yourself from getting more. So you could either start a genocide campaign, or you can say, "Listen, quit having babies."

The Clone Wars just opened in theatres and it's received (at the time of this blog post) a "19%" rating on rottentomatoes.com. I doubt this rating comes as a surprise to anyone, given how poorly received the last three movies in the saga were by long-time fans. There seems little logic to delve once more into the shady past of the Star Wars universe except as another cash-grab by billionaire George Lucas. Indeed, this movie would be more appropriate as yet another straight-to-DVD release cluttering up the shelves of your local video store. Bear in mind that this is a continuation of a television mini-series that debuted before Episode Three, and a precursor to another one. To it's credit, the television series was more visually appealing than scenes from this movie. While both stylistically original, there's something off-putting about the CG animation in Clone Wars. The characters have been called "wooden" in more ways than one. I read someone defending this "choice," saying that it's supposed to be reminiscent of the old "Thunderbirds" TV series. If you want something that evokes "Thunderbirds" pop "Team America" into your DVD player. This just looks sloppy, like it's been rushed into production. It's the CG equivalent to the early years of "The Simpsons." Further demonstrating the wooden puppet aspect of the characters is the jerky, Super Mario Bros. way they move. I've played video games in the 90's that looked better than this.

I also hear it's got the worst Capote-esque  gay-stereotype Hutt character. First of all: do Hutts even have genitals? How would they even go about having sex with all those jelly-rolls? How can one be gay? These are questions the movie does not answer. A gay uncle would explain, however, why Jabba overcompensates with the slave girls. I believe this Hutt character only exists to outdo the annoyance and racial offence of Jar-Jar.

People were even bad-mouthing the music. Of course, we've heard the Star Wars theme a trillion times by now in our lives, so any variation on the theme is going to be equally as annoying.

I'd hate to say it, but this seems like the only movie that could possibly be improved by George Lucas being more involved in it's production.

As for positives, this movie may prove to be a good entry-point for adults trying to get their kids into Star Wars, but don't let them get too emotionally attached to Anakin. Seriously, what's the point of doing any more with Anakin Skywalker? He's played out. We've seen his entire life over the course of six movies and he doesn't deserve a seventh. I'd rather see a movie of him as Darth Vader taking place after Episode Three, but that would be the making of a good movie, and this is George Lucas we're dealing with here. Honestly, kids don't need a stepping-stone into Star Wars. Just show them Episode Four, and pretend the first three don't exist. Darth Vader was always Darth Vader. Don't listen to Obi-Wan's Clone Wars bullshit, Luke, just keep your head in the game and the hand on your wrist. Leave the back-story in the back.

Kids love CG movies, though, and Star Wars sells tickets, so I expect it'll make some money. Not Batman money, sure, but still.

It's just come to my attention that Robert Jordan is dead. Please bear in mind that this happened in 2007, September 16th and I'm only finding out about it now. That may help to illustrate how interested I am in him and his works. I was a loyal reader to his Wheel of Time series, it's true, but when the books dragged on both in titles and pages, I gave up. I had often said he'd die before he ever finished his work, so large was the world he created. He would expand his tale to envelope the lives of each character and it was a cast of hundreds. That's why the main story never seemed to go anywhere. Even after pivotal moments where one would logically expect the story to pick up steam, he would break away to a forgotten sub-plot, or even a sub-sub-sub-plot featuring characters one would need a companion piece or glossary to even identify and a map to locate the scene. If you've ever read the Lord of the Rings, you'll understand something of what I'm talking about. The main plot was about Frodo and Sam going to Mount Mordor, but it broke away every chapter to talk about Sam and Pippin, or Gimii and Legolas and the war going on in the background or forefront. As I said, these breaks would occur every chapter or so. Now imagine if this wasn't every chapter, but it was every book and those books were nine hundred pages long, and the author was breaking away from the back-story with back-back-stories. That's how it is with Jordan.

The characters he's so fond of aren't particularly well-written either. His women are basically bitches. They're all the same bitch, mind you, but they display different degrees of bitchiness. Every woman in his books is a control freak on some scale. Some are megalomaniacs, others are the kind who'd cut off their man's balls if they so much as looked at another woman, most are fiercly anti-male. This is how he writes for "strong women." There were less than a handful of women in his novels that seemed as if they were genuine, but as time progressed they all merged into the same cookie-cutter persona. The frequency in which they are used, and the frequency to which they behave in exactly the same manner makes the series all the more excrutiating to read.

Now that he's dead, someone else is taking over his helm to finish the series. My guess is they're gong to drag it out for as long as they possibly can. Bear in mind: the plot to the Wheel of Time saga is that Rand, an all-powerful sorcerer who can destroy armies single-handedly is supposed to fight this Dark Lord, or whatever the hell his name is. Bear in mind that he's already all-powerful, so why the delay?

It seems to me like the prices on PSP games keep dropping all the time. I've skipped the last few must-haves (or more accurately kind-of-wants) for the system, and was surprised to find the price dropping ten bucks on a few short months after their release. Games like Hot Shots Gold Open Tee 2, and Final Fantasy VII: Crisis Core. That change usually takes a full year or so to happen. It almost eliminates the release date spending spurge most people subject themselves to. Why get gouged for something when it's going to be 1/3rd the cost a month later?

I've also notice a disturbing trend amongst new games. People are getting sick of games before they even comes out. This trend is especially true of X-Box 360 games, which see more demos and betas. With Halo 3, people were playing the beta for months before the game ever saw release. Most, if not all the people who bought "Crackdown," did it just for the beta.

To describe the full effect of this trend, let me tell you of my own experience playing Final Fantasy XI: Online. FFXI was released for Windows many months before it came out for PS2, yet both games connect to the same servers. Hence, after getting my copy on the cloudy release date for the PS2, I was plunged into a world where I was a "noob." Imagine: You just bought a game near to the second it comes out, and you're already about sixty levels behind. This problem with the game was only exaggerated when it came out for the X-Box 360 a year or so later. People starting then were so behind they couldn't even find groups, and the ones they did involved people on their seventh or eighth alt.

It's not just online games effected either. It's any game with a demo or beta, either in a magazine, another game, or at an exhibit. I beta-tested Jak-X Racing for the PS2 and had one of the highest scores on there. When the real game came out, however, I was hesitant to even buy it. After all: I'd already played it.

There's also the huge ad campaigns behind some of these lack-luster games. Games like "Heavenly Sword," which were heavily promoted mainly because they were attractive looking platform games, but in reality were quite short. Fans realize what they see in the media isn't what they're getting from their retailer by now.

Then there's the people who buy games on their launch date and them play them religiously. GTA IV was the hottest selling game in history, but so many people bought it so fast that they burned themselves out after a week or two.

What about skill-based games like Guitar Hero? The original Guitar Hero kicked my mother-f**king ass. Then Guitar Hero 2 came out with easier controls, and I kicked it's ass. By Guitar Hero 3, you're basically just sleep-walking. Once you have the skills, they're there to stay, like riding a bicycle. The problem is: if you're a "noob" starting out, and you're playing with friends, you're going to get incinerated. There's people out there who can play the game without looking, for f**k's sake! You'll be trying to figure out the fingering, and they'll be power-sliding across the floor in front of you.

Fear them.

So after reading the first five issues and a special, I can honestly say the red Hulk sucks.

"HULK NEED MANICURE!"

Yes, he looks awesome, and by "awesome," I mean he looks like the regular Hulk, only red. The series started with some promise: a new Hulk had appeared and committed a murder against another gamma-irradiated monster and the plot followed the mystery surrounding his secret identity. Then things went Looney Tunes. Rick Jones, Hulk's longtime friend, resurfaced and for some reasons he had also developed a gamma-monster alter-ego. The explanation for this? None. Still holding out hope, I was greeted with the site of the Red Hulk punching the Watcher in the face. The Watcher, of course, is a giant baby-headed pacifist alien who... watches. He usually only shows up when the universe in in Jeopardy, and then all he does is... watch. Since he's kind of a silly character, he's best avoided altogether. The only thing goofier than him showing up is having someone punch him in the face for no reason during the middle of a fight. This was done in all seriousness, however, and even though it only occupied the first page of issue four, it was impossible to get out of your mind since then. Then, to make matters worse, the Red Hulk causes San Francisco to sink into the Pacific by... (sigh...) jumping on it.

I don't mind comic hijinx, but this is on the far-side of bizarre. I honestly thought this series was going to be more cerebral with the murder plot, but oh well.

I had the idea the other day for a new website. Everyone knows the kids are stealing their essays off of the internet and submitting them as their own, but what about the inevitable consequences of such actions? Plagarism will only lead to punishment(/sucess), and when that punishment comes, my new website will be there for users to download their own letters of apology. Let's face it, not matter how much you embellish your letter of apology, it will never be sincere. Why should you be sorry for the things you've done? You did them, and you should be proud of your achievements in life? Why not add to those achievements by selecting a letter from our large database and send it to the people who make you life miserable but feel they deserve some type of written compensation for that. Why make a liar of yourself by saying you're sorry? You'll never have to try and pretend like you mean "sorry" ever again, because you'll never have to try. Just point and click. Our letters of apology aren't just good for getting out of detention/expulsion, they're also good for girlfriends, judges, and little girls who's cat you've just run over!

But wait, there's more!

We also offer suicide notes! When you just can't wait to kill yourself, just point, click, and print, and you're on your way! Our suicide notes are as angst-ridden as you'd like them to be, featuring quotes from famous authors you've never read, (and never will read now that you're killing yourself) to make the investigating officer think, "Wow, this guy/girl was deep!" Let's face it: if somehow you mess up and find yourself being revived by paramedics, you don't want to suffer the embarrassment of a poorly written suicide note. Replace the rambling manifesto filled with spelling mistakes and typos you've got planned with something you can really be proud of! You'll want to live just to receive the kudos on your "work"!

Also: We've got manifestos! Are you planning a terrorist attack against a governing body? Then you'll need one of our patented letters outlining your dastardly plans. The cost of stamps too high? Fight back! We'll capture your rage in one of our professionally produced letters. Now available by special order: hostage notes! We'll express ship to you a hostage note using letters cut from only the most reputable newspapers and periodicals, guaranteed to be untraceable! We'll also include a plain brown envelope for mailing fingers/toes to the victim's family!

Perhaps most useful of all, Dear John letters! Yes, break-up in style with one of our letters. Make them really think, "It's not you, it's me." There's plenty of fish out there in the sea, and you don't have a second to spare on a well-thought out reason for breaking up with your current lover (or lovers). Just choose our, "Random Pick," option and it'll chose a letter for you. They'll be crying tears in their beers while you'll be off living it up and no one will be able to fault you!

PATENT PENDING!

My first impression of watching the opening ceremonies for the 2008 Summer Olympics in Beijing was: "Gee, this is really long." My second impression was: "Wow, they spent a lot of money on this. Like 100 million." My third impression was: "Wow, the 2010 Vancouver Winter Olympic Games are going to suck so bad in comparison," and it's true. People bitch about every dollar spent on the Games every day in the editorial section of the provincial newspaper. Considering the $40 billion price tag on the Beijing Olympics, we're going to look like a bunch of hobos. None of the stadiums we've built are going to compare with the architectural genius of the Bird's Nest stadium. None of the venues are going to be passing through such scenic landmarks like the Great Wall of China during the men's bicycle race. All of China seems like it has Olympic fever, as if every person you pass on the street is going to have an opinion about the event and they're rooting for their favourite home-grown athletes. BC seems like it's the only one involved in it's Games, and not even all of BC. Let's face it, it's just Vancouver and Whistler who are hosting the Games. It's not the "Canada" Olympics. That means it's going to be toned down and pulled back to the bare bones. You don't have to be psychic or "in the know" to guess that the opening ceremonies for the Vancouver Olympic Games are going to involve some native drummers on hiatus from East Hastings St. and some totem poles, and those are going to be the main highlights. There's not going to be 27 giant footprints in the sky using fireworks, or giant LED Olympic Rings with dancing faeries, or a giant 3-D moon with people running around it impossibly. It's going to be the same crap BC teenagers see during a school assembly. I pity the poor fools who shelled out $800 a ticket to sit through our six hour suck-fest featuring every Canadian stereotype, eh. Chinese culture goes back 5,000 years. BC is only 150 years old, to the date almost. There's a reason Steven Harper didn't shell out more money for us to celebrate. We suck. We suck so much. I hate us.

The smog here in town is so thick, you could probably swim through it, not that... y'know... want to.

To give you some idea of what it's like to live here: the first thing I hear upon exiting my car on a beer run tonight was some crackhead screaming, "Fucking niggers!" at the top of his lungs. In all honesty, there are so few black people living in Abbotsford that I'm actually surprised when I see one. It's like seeing Sasquatch. So I doubt that a real "N-Word," was the cause of his problems. Mayhaps he, the pale white boy, might be the cause of his own problems? The very thought! Of course, I can understand why he chooses to to scream his anger out at the smallest of all possible local minorities. After all, all he had to do today was loiter around a public park doing drugs while scaring off good, decent people and commit petty crimes with his crackhead buddies while the rest of us had to work to earn a very meagre living.

Hey crackhead, "FUCK YOU."

Our hero, Strangeman, finds himself trapped in a parallel dimension after falling into a spacial rift. While much like his own world, this place is inhabited by being with strange powers, but none are as strange as the Strangeman.

Stealing a newspaper from an elderly man, Strangeman wanders the streets while trying to find a fast food joint. His inattention will prove his own undoing.

The bank alarm blares loudly as a purple-clad figure bursts forth from the entrance while cackling madly.

With neither stranger looking in the direction they're walking, they collide!

"What the...? Who do you think you are?" both men ask at the same time.

"Who do I think I am? I'm the mother-flippin' Strangeman," Strangeman proclaims.

"Just what this city needs, more do-gooders!" cackles the stranger.

Just then, three more costumed villains stream through the doors of the bank, the last tearing the doors off their hinges as he steps through carrying two sacks of money.

The Strangeman is accosted by the white-faced laughing man with a sword pulled impossibly from his pleated purple pants while his gang encircles him.

"So Strangeman, is it? Looks like your first day of crime fighting is going to be your last!" the purple man says.

"I'm not really crime-fighter..." the Strangeman tries to tell him, but is interrupted by a swift kick to the nuts.

"Oh dear sweet God!" Strangeman moans as he lies prone on the sidewalk, crying.

As he sobs, four heroes appear. At their front runs a man as fast as lightning. "Your crime spree ends tonight, Joker!" he says, his very words a blur.

Running at top speed, he stumbles upon the Joker's sword, impaling himself like a kebab.

Strangeman recovers in time to watch the hero fall, while the Joker laughs uproariously, too hysteric to even come up with a punch line.

"Wow... You suck," Strangeman tells the dead hero.

Not wasting any time, the big man in black jumps into the fight. With one punch, he sends the man dressed in the blue beetle motif flying.

He crashes into the two younger heroes, knocking them backwards as well.

The redhead is then instantly dispatched by a giant mallet to the head while the teenaged boy looks on in horror.

The well-dressed fat man steps in and stabs the boy with the boomerang with the razor-sharp tip of his umbrella.

As he falls, the boy is heard to scream, "Batman, where are you?"

Batman is nowhere to be seen, and the boy wonder is beaten to a bloody pulp by the four gang-members.

Forgotten for the time being, the Strangeman looks on in horror.

Then he notices the bags of cash lying around.

"Yoink!" he says to himself as he makes off with the loot.

But he returns momentarily for the fallen hero.

"Almost forgot," he says as he steals the mask from the hero's head.

The hero leaves a second time.

"One more thing..." he says as he returns, wearing the pilfered mask.

"This is for sucking!" he says as he kicks him roughly in the ribs.

"Die mother-f**ker, die mother-f**ker, steal!" he sings as he stomps on his head.

Having proven his point, he departs.

Only to return a second later for the sword. "I can use this," he says.

With that, he flees the scene in earnest, hearing police sirens in the distance. He ponders at a bat-shaped light on the clouds above.

I finally beat Final Fantasy Tactics: A2 last night after about 90+ hours of play. The game never had that much in the way of a story, and to be frank it never had that much in the way of tactics either. I know the DS versions of Final Fantasy Tactics is intended for a younger audience than their PS2 predecessor, but there's literally no strategy necessary. In the original Final Fantasy Tactics, you were getting your ass handed to you by the third impassable battle. If you didn't have the right item, weapons, and job types for that battle you were going to be murdered slowly and painfully over the next five turns. In FFTA2 you can just constantly go at the enemy with basic attacks and abilities without worry. You never have to retreat, heal, or even raise your players.

Each match has certain conditions for victory, and laws and privileges. If you uphold the law, which might forbid the use of Ice spells or weapons, or else using Buffs or dealing less than 20 points of damage, you receive an in-match bonus of your choosing, like extra experience points or being able to move an extra square. If you break the law, not only do you lose this bonus, but you're also unable to revive your players. Losing one or two players to this law is no big deal, however, as most matches can be won with just two heavy hitters. Once I obtained the non-elemental Fighter ability called "Aura Blast," I basically just used that every attack, as it does heavy damage across a five-square plus-signed long-distance area. I could use that over and over again without triggering any negative effects, counters, or even getting too close to the enemy. With most ranged attacks, like with a bow, or a spell like Fira, the enemy always seemed to be one square out of range, but Aura Blast always hit that one square further. Also useful was the passive Ninja ability Dual-Wield, which let you carry a one-handed weapon in each hand, dealing double damage with every attack and letting you learn an extra ability.

My main focus for the game was learning as many abilities from as many jobs as I could. The abilities learned this way were mainly useless. Every Ninja ability, for instance, was a waste except for Dual-Wield, and some jobs, like Soldier, were completely useless except as a pre-requisite for Fighter. Then some special jobs like Bard were only useful for fighting the undead, and even then it was a weak job.

Still, the game is enjoyable waste of time, even if fights drag out too long. There's lots of things to explore in the game such as special battles/jobs/characters/weapons, etc. As for re-playability, once you beat the game, you have access to a new player with a new job and new cutscenes.

Since being a super hero doesn't pay for shit, most heroes need a day job to fall back on. Just thought I'd list some for comparison. Some heroes are living the good life and some heroes have no life:

BEST:

Bruce Wayne

Batman is, in real-life, billionaire playboy tycoon, Bruce Wayne. Being a billionaire has it's advantages when it comes to being a super hero, but then again there's very little disadvantage to being a billionaire. Some creative funding from Wayne Corp finances the tech he uses in the Batcave, as well as the activities of the extended Bat Family like Oracle and the Outsiders. Batman has little taste for Bruce Wayne's life, however, and uses him merely as a smoke screen to keep his nighttime activities a secret. As Bruce Wayne, he acts stupid and spoiled, despite having earned a broad education under his real name. Bruce Wayne has delved so deep into the Batman persona that he often forgets how to be Batman. He even abandoned his real-life person altogether after Bruce Wayne was arrested for murder in Bruce Wayne: Fugitive. To help him better connect with his old self, Batman kept a diary as Bruce Wayne looking in at Batman's life in the Gotham Knights series. 

Hal Jordan

Not only does Hal Jordan wield one of the most power weapons in the universe as the Green Lantern, not only did he nearly conquer the entire universe as Parallax, and not only was he one of the most powerful entities in the universe as the Spectre, but in real-life, he's a test pilot for experimental jets. To quote Robin from The Batman TV series, "Even your day job is cool." Even though the colour yellow once rendered the Green Lantern powerless, you can't tell Hal Jordan he sucks, because he can fucking cold-cock Batman without using his power ring.

Tony Stark:

The super-hero world is full of millionaires/billionaires, but Tony Stark is at the top of the pack as the C.E.O. of Stark Enterprises, a thriving industry fuelled by his brilliant inventions. Everyone knew that Iron Man was Tony Stark's personal bodyguard, but they didn't know he was Tony Stark until he took off the helmet and told the world he was an alcoholic. Sure, he's got a bum heart, a drinking problem and he can't maintain a relationship, but he's Tony Stark. He's been the leader of the Avengers, West-Coast Avengers and S.H.I.E.L.D. He's so rich he can afford to make his friends flying armour suits too. Tony might not envy his own life, but others sure do.

WORST:

Peter Parker

Despite being married to one of the hottest red-heads in existence, few people envy Peter Parker's life. Orphaned at a young age, he was raised by his elderly aunt and uncle until an error in judgement inadvertently  lead to the death of his beloved Uncle Ben. The only job he can get to pay the rent is as a freelance photographer taking pictures of his other persona and then watching helplessly as J.Jonah Jameson spins those photos into incriminating evidence against him. His other jobs, such as working as a high school teacher, or being Tony Stark's personal assistant never pan out because of his nightlife as Spider-Man. His whole life basically revolved around keeping his identity a secret, and when he finally pulled off the mask on live TV, it got Aunt May shot. Fact of the matter is: people don't like Peter Parker. He's unreliable, often late to events, too smart for his own good, and people die around him all the time. Just ask Gwen Stacey. His favourite father figure turned into a super-villain to try and kill him. His best-friend turned into a super-villain to try to kill him. His work-rival turned into a super-villain to try to kill him. His boss rented out various cyborgs and super-powered thugs to try and kill him. The only ray of light in his life is his wife, and Mephisto made it so they never even met. Plus, he's poor as shit.

Scott Summers:

Orphanhood is common amongst super-heroes, but Scott Summers had it worst than most people. After his father, mother, and brother were all apparently died in a plane crash (although they didn't), he didn't have anyone to raise him. There was no Aunt May for Cyclops, no Alfred Pennyworth, no Martha Kent, there was only the orphanage and when his mutant powers began to manifest themselves, he quickly found himself with no home at all. Professor X had to take him in, but he was never really a father to him. So Cyclops never got a chance at a real life. He was born a mutant, and that's how he had to grow up. He couldn't even take his visor off for fear his optic blasts would rage out of control and hurt those around him. His education under Professor X basically amounted to learning how best to use his powers to fight others like himself, which help further his awkwardness. It's not that he couldn't function in a normal society, it's that he never got to. His only paying job was in X-Factor, where he was a mutant pretending to be a an anti-mutant. As for relationships, any woman with a hint of telepathy has the hots for him. He was so in love with Jean Grey, that when she died, he had a kid with her exact look-a-like. It turned out she was a look-a-like because she was an evil clone, but oh well. Then, when Jean Grey came back, he cheated on her with an even hotter telepath, ala Brad Pitt.

Steve Rogers:

When puny weakling Steve Rogers took the super soldier serum (patent pending) he became Captain America. That meant that Steve Rogers had to take a back-seat for the next seventy years. Being frozen in ice for decades didn't help his social standing any either. When he finally thawed out, all the people he had known and loved had either grown as old and decrepit as he should be, or died. So who is Steve Rogers? Just a patriot that loved his country and drawing comics. Steve Rogers was never really that important to the world, but he was important to Captain America. When the government asked him to finally unmask himself, Captain America went rogue and got shot as a result.

Two people quit my department today, leaving me by myself with just one other full-timer, a new supervisor and two part-part-timers. This comes at a time when I myself am no longer interested in working at my job anymore and actively seeking other employment. Hooray!